When I was a little girl you used to say such things as, “When you grow up, I hope you have a little girl just like yourself.” and “When you grow up, you will be terribly sorry for how you acted as a child.” and “One day you will thank me for this.” and “One day you will wish you could take naps.
So on this Mother’s Day of 2011, as I sit staring out my window, at 9:00 in the morning, and already longing for a nap, I have a few things to say to you.
First off. In answer to your “One day I hope you have a little girl just like yourself”. I got one. Only he is a boy. And I will never wish himself on himself. You need to write me a letter of apology. NOW!
Secondly, I am sorry. Remember that time I stole Dad’s antique coin collection and spent it on popsicles and pencils? Remember how embarrassed you were when the school called to tell you had had been buying penny erasers with coins from 1800? I am sorry.
I am also sorry for the call that sent you to the school after I walked into the boy’s bathroom, the one that sent you running when I tried to pull out another girl’s hair, and that time I played my Rhino bowling game in the school hallway (I bent over and ran down the hallway and counted how many kids I knocked down.)
I am kind of sorry I finally got the boot from school. I am definitely sorry for all the embarrassment you had to feel over my misbehaviors.
I am also sorry for being a brat as a teenager. In fact I AM SORRY FOR BEING A TEENAGER at all!
I am sorry for changing my major 18 times in college.
I am sorry for telling you that you were the worst mother on the planet. I am even more sorry for all those times when I made you FEEL like the worst mother on the planet. For all those times you wished I would run away or wanted to slap a “For Sale” sign on my back... I am sorry.
I am sorry for bickering and fighting with my brother and sister. I am sorry for locking Renee out of the house and for slobbering on Seth. I know now how miserable that had to have made your life. I am oh so very sorry. (Can you please call my kids and ask them to stop now? I am pretty sure justice has been served)
Thirdly, THANK YOU.
Thank you for loving me even in those times when you thoroughly disliked me. Maybe even hated me. But you still loved me.
Thank you for homeschooling me, even when you didn’t want to. It made a huge impact on my life, and I am successfully educated because of it. You did not deserve to make that sacrifice, but because you did, God blessed my life in great ways.
Thank you for teaching me to read. And for loving everything that I write. You are my biggest fan and I LOVE that about you.
Thank you for teaching me about boys. And about Men. Thank you for pushing me towards patience when it came to them.
Thank you for being funny even when you were angry.
Thank you for filling my parenting tool box with such things as “I will hang you upside down by your toenails” and “Would you like me to lock you in the whine cellar?” and “Let’s clean the baseboards! With toothbrushes!!!” Those tools lighten up every one of my tense mothering moments.
Thank you for valuing education and seeking yours even into my adulthood.
Thank you for all the memories. For cows in cars, for powdered milk covered walls, for egg yolks on daddy’s head, for Swat team investigations, for after school spankings, for piles of books, for thumb twiddling lessons, for mornings spent under the covers of your bed, for hair brushing torture sessions, for half a trip to Granny’s house, for a year’s worth of groundings...
I thank you for all of them.
And as a token of my thanks, I post the following touching video: