Monday, April 30, 2007
You know how we are always told, "It's just stuff."? Well, maybe it is, but perhaps it takes finding your "stuff" floating in a lake of crap water to make you realize how much that "stuff" really means to you. Stuff is important. Sometimes stuff makes our hearts beat faster...and softer...and better. It's more than stuff when you lose it.
This morning, I went down to my basement only to find that that level of my home had turned into a cesspool of water and excrement. There on top, was floating a black potfolio, full of all the artwork I have ever done in my life. I am not an artist, I love art, but it is not one of those skills that come naturally from either my fingertips or my heart. Every art project I have ever done has been the source of incredible heartwrenching labor. Every piece, every horrible rotton piece has also been a source of great pride. Every time I have looked through that portfolio, I get this great feeling of joy. Washed away now, and I feel guilty for being sad...cause it's just stuff, you know.
More than stuff.
Way more than stuff.
On the way to pick Dustan up from work (because I can't deal with 2 inches of smelly crud water on my own) Marcus relays to me his biggest fear. That a fire would ravage our house and destroy all HIS artwork. He chokes on his words as he tells me this. My heart aches for his fear because I am living that reality today. He tells me that sometimes he can't sleep because he is worried that he won;t be able to get his precious treasures out. So like his mama is this little boy. Such a little worrier. And I am reminded of my biggest fear. The one that keeps ME up at night. That we would have a fire, or a tornado, or an invasion of horrible bad people, and I will lose what I hold dearest.
One of my childen.
And I am back where I have begun. It's just stuff.
Stuff that means a lot...but it's still stuff.
I isn't what we meant when we were wishing for more time together, but Dustan and I have spent the afternoon cleaning out all the junk from the basement. Wading through really rank water, and scrubbing the floors has been a lot of work. Surprisingly we have laughed, and we have flirted, and we have had a good time. If I have to clean sewage water from a basement, I am glad I have him to do it with. And so, we have lesson number 2 of the day. Life is better when you share it with a man you love... And nasty tasks are made easier with a sense of humor.