Bad thinking

My children haven't had nightmares for a long time, so I think I was due for some nighttime disturbances.

I heard Weston upstairs whimpering and went to see what was wrong. He was standing at the top of the stairs, with a very concerned look on his face. When I asked him what was wrong, this is what he said...

"I had a bad thinking. I was thinking and it was very bad."
"What was your bad thinking about, Weston?"
"I was thinking about what would happen if you put a mouse in the toilet and then when I went potty late at night, the mouse would try to bite my butt and I would try to get away, but it would chase me."

Either, he has some very disturbed going-to-sleep-thoughts, or he has some VERY creative methods of avoiding sleep altogether.

Sorry about the technical issues we had yesterday.

Speaking of technical difficulties...it seems that Weston has one. We have spent a flurried week at the dentist, doctor, and eye doctor's offices. Three kids times three appointments. Waiting rooms, paperwork, and huge bills later we find out that we have relativly healthy kids and that Wston has flat feet and most likely also has something called "Myasthenia Gravis". We had heard this term before, when he was just a few weeks old but had thought it had been ruled out. When we first did our internet search on MG just 5 years ago, the news was grim. After re-researching it this go-round, I wonder if I had somehow been researching the wrong thing all those years ago. Nothing is the same. The dire predictions that had brought us to tears- the thought of breathing tubes, and feeding tobes, and early death....they are no longer there. Now it is replaced with this sentance: Although once a severe and often fatal illness, myasthenia gravis can now be well managed with several relatively safe and effective therapies.
I had a really bad day yesterday and threw myself a good ol pity party, sans cake and icecream (which was really stupid. According to my children, no party should EVER be without cake and ice cream). Then I realized that I should be shouting for joy for two reasons...
1. My child is not going to die from this disease.
2. He will never be able to be drafted into the military.

I am unsure as to what the future holds in regards to this. Our next step is to see a nurologist and we will go from there.

Those eyes are what is causing all the hullabaloo. I wish I could explain in layman's terms what it all means, but scientific medical information reads like this to me: "blah blah blah blah gobbldeegook" If you are interested, here is a site that explains it a bit more.
Myasthenia Gravis

Rice: Good for Gratitude

I left my camera at a friend's house (after a tea party) and since I hate blogging without pictures, here is one of my three children, right after Esther's birth. This is before they became spoiled brats. Did I just call my children brats? Why yes. Yes I did. See how sweet they are here? Little Esther was content to nurse her days away and Marcus thought we were heroes just for sharing our french fries. Weston was always a bit of a whiner, but lately, oh my! Lately it has snowballed into something very unpretty.

If I give them a cookie, Weston will cry, and call me a liar, because he will say that I did, in fact, promise him ten cookies. Which is completely untrue. Esther will cry because her cookie only has three billion chocolate chips and she wanted fifteen gazillion chocolate chips. Marcus will pout because...well, actually, I have no idea why Marcus will pout. He has been in a constant state of poutiness lately.

If I fix their favorite dinner of grilled cheese sandwiches with granny smith apples, mayo, and green olives (don't mock it, they LOVE it), Weston will complain that his has a brown spot on it, Marcus will cry because I only had enough to give him four full sandwiches, and Esther will suddenly decide she hates bread.

If I take them to the park, they will throw a fit because I ask them to put on their shoes, because we have to walk, and because I didn't know they wanted to go to THAT OTHER PARK.

If I take them swimming, the sun will be to hot, or they will be too cold, or we will stay too long, or we will not stay long enough.

If I bake them a surprise cake, someone will cry because they wanted lemon, not chocolate.

And on and on and on to kingdom come. Do I sound as if I am complaining? My dears, I don't know any other tone of voice. I have been surrounded by whining and complaining for so long, I have forgotten how to converse any other way.

BUT. But, I found a solution. It hit me one night just like a lighbulb turning on and illuminating the deep recesses of the parenting brain I had shut off. We were in the van listening to Weston and Esther whine because we were not going to the restaraunt THEY wanted to go to (which happened to be two different ones). Marcus did not whine. Rather, he gave this deep sigh and rolled his eyes. the sigh ended with a deep disgusted grunt.
Something inside of me snapped. I am not sure when the last time I have heard my children say thank you, but I can gaurantee you it was so long ago that we might as well consider that they never said it. I told them, "you have this weekend to learn gratitude because by Monday, if you haven't learned it, I am going to start feeding you rice with every meal. I am going to feed it to you until you will bow down in gratitude to just see a boiled egg.
Let me just say that their response was... Well, I don't know how to describe it. Bad. We are talking screaming. And kicking. More screaming. Calling us names. Remember now, that I have only threatened this course of action. I look at Dustan, he looks at me. The looks says, "What did we do wrong? How did we raise these monsters?"

And so we went home. We did not go to any restaraunt at all. We had rice. No one said thank you. So we had rice at dinner. Weston gave me a very feeble "Thank you for the rice, mommy." By breakfast, Marcus, who can't stand rice at all, and who has now missed two meals, tells me that he "will be grateful for whatever I feed him." I say, "Good, cause we are having shoes." Marcus says, "Thank you for the shoes mommy."
I feed them all their favorite cereal. I recieve three hearty thank yous and some help in cleaning the kitchen. These children do NOT want another meal of rice.

But I have the container sitting in the middle of the counter- just in case. I think the visual reminder will be enough.

My day today is insanely busy

Here's a picture of the cousins while on our camping trip. We spent the morning wading in a creek and the kids loved it. Weston is missing from this photo because he was back in the cabin with Elly, throwing up. Poor kids.

Some really long thoughts for today: (I will come back and proofread later- I am just too busy right now)
The house is a mess, we have swim lessons, a tea party, and church...not to mention we need to fit some time in there for school and spanish lessons. Sometimes I feel like my life is spiraling out of control. I just want it to slow way down. Sometimes I get caught up in the chaos of a moment and forget who I am. This morning, a couple of blog posts reminded me to be still, to remember Who I belong to. They reminded me to take time to count my blessings and that my character is far more important than my label of mother.
Read this one.
And this one by a mother struggling with brain cancer

When I grow up, I want to be kind, gentle, creative, respectful, truthful, and friendly.

My blessings:
1. I am a child of God. His forgiveness for my rottoness outweighs any other blessing I could name.
2. I happened to have married the best and greatest man on earth. God saw fit to save him for me. He does dishes, he helps with the children, he provides me with a home and lifestyle I could never have imagined when I was a kid. remeber that sily game where we listed the cars we wanted, the places we wanted to live, our occupations, and the boys we wanted to marry? then we did some kind of silly counting method to cross them off one by one until the last ones left would be our future? I was supposed to have a Z-28, marry Micheal tucker, live in France as a famous author. I am glad God designed my future and not me or some random game.
3. I have two of the dearest friends on the planet. I spent yesterday complaining that the ladies at the pool ignored me and that I was being shunned when I tried to have small talk sessions with them. Who needs them when I have two best friends who are there in a instant when I need them, who love me despite all my flaws, and who inspire me to be a better person.
4. My sister. I can't type more or I will cry.
5. My mom and dad who taught me to love God, to see life as an adventure, and to adore learning. They love me unconditionally.
6. All of my grandparents are still living. And they all love God. I don't get to see them very often, but their heritage of faith surrounds me everyday. Who I am is so much a part of who they are. Not many people can gorw to adulthood still basking in the love of grandparents, but I can.
7. My brats. Ahem, okay, my children. Today they are driving me up a wall. But still. They are blessings. Weston has renewed his dream of becoming a hairdresser and thankfully practices on Esther's hair sans scissors. She looks so pretty today because he made her hair shiny and smooth. A few weeks ago he decided to follow Christ. Now I am choked up all over again. Two of my children know the Lord as their Savior.
8. I am alive. My health is good.
9. I am fat. Which means I am not hungry.
10. The plants I planted a few weeks ago are still alive. It's a miracle.

Two posts for the Price of one.

Which happens to be free!




My friend Danielle> is one of the most talented people on the planet. I envy her. She is not, however, selfish with her talent, and shares it freely. This generosity of hers astounds me. Without spending a lot of money, she imparts beautiful gifts to people. Want one? Look over to her left column and click on embroidery tutorial. Let her teach you a new skill. You wouldn't believe how much pure talent this woman has in her pinky finger, and lucky for us, she wants to give it away. For free. Take advantage of it.
My birds are from her tutorial and would have been done except that my my sister told me they had vacant eyes. Maybe I should add a little knotty thing.

The sheep I am making for my mother. I found the little coloring page somewhere online and knew my mother had to have them. She has a bit of an obsession with sheep. I think I will use it as a panel in a little quilted pillow and give it to her for Christmas.

Okay, so I am not dead.

I made it back from Ecuador and didn't even come home before attending an out of state wedding and the a family camping trip at Long's Retreat. My sister and her crew, as well as my mom and dad were there. Long's retreat is an awesomely fun place. Or it would have been if we had not caught the stomach flu that landed three of the kids in the ER. We stopped counting the vomiting episodes somehwere after 60. Trust me. It was horrible.
I came home to start VBS three days later and then my bestest friend Tara's baby who I had knly just met (she was born when I was in Ecuador) went into the hospital with some kind of horrible infection and I added Tara's other three tykes to my crew. We are at 6 kids now. My sister also came down to visit and she brought her 4. Thankfully we only overlapped one day. It was utter choas at my house for the past two months. Chaos, I tell you. I really need a vacation. Not kidding.

So, in case you are wondering if life has slowed down since my sister has gone back to New York, and everyone is well, and I am done traveling...you would be wrong
Click on this picture:

DITL

A bunch of my online friends have been doing a photo journaling project that follows them for a day. Here is mine. Enjoy. then come babysit for me so I can take a nap.

I'm leaving on jet plane...

Don't know when I'll be again...

Actually, I will be back sometime in June. Meanwhile, my blog will be a lonely place, full of echos. A full month. Gone from my home for a month. It seems a little eerie to me.

I leave today, and work my way to Chicago for a flight out of O'Hare on Tuesday. From there I fly to Guayaquil, Ecuador. Twelve hours on a plane. 10 hours on a bus to arrive at the city of Loja where I will help my missionary sister-in-law move to a more remote location. She will be working with children there and for two weeks I will be helping her.

after I fly back, I have a family reunion/camping trip/wedding to attend. Of course, it involves an eight hour car ride. yehaw!

So, while I am traveling the world and seeing beautiful places, you will be thinking of me...right? Keep me in your prayers and when I return, I will surely be full of stories to post about.

My mind is full of Spring...

All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small.
All things wise and wonderful: The Lord God made them all.
Each little Flower that opens,
Each Little bird that sings,
God made their glowing colors, and made their tiny wings.
God gave us eyes to see them,
and lips that we might tell,
How great is God Almighty,
Who has made all things well.

All of the pictures were taken in my own yard, with the exception of the geese. I am rather glad that I don't have geese famiies in my yard. besides being rather mean spirited, they leave quite a mess behind them. The rabbits are leaving enough of a mess, and I won't even talk about what the moles have done. I love glancing out my window though and seeing litte bunnies, baby groundhogs, and even wee little turtles. I love walking around the corner of the house to find a rose bush that I have never even touched, suddenly in bloom. It takes no effort on my part, and I am humbled yet again at the display the Creator makes for us every single Spring.

Finished. Completed. Done.

Stick a fork in me and it will come out clean. I leave my home on Friday, not to return for four weeks. My sewing is done done done!
I made this set for another swap. I made two. One for Esther and one for a little girl somewhere in Kansas.
And all the wedding skirts...THey really turned out very sweetly.

For my spunky little Ellie monster. This combo just screams for a bit of twirling and a bit of making mudpies.

For sweet little Karist, who will wear this proudly while pounding a toy into her brother's head.

Haha, you can see my toes!

I love the details in this. I used a store bought shirt and dolled it up for my princess. She loves it!

I am feeling Random

I like things that are random. Here are some random pictures, I just closed my eyes, scrolled the mouse, and clicked. Utterly and totally random. I'll have to come back and edit to let you even know what they are. Oh, and if there happens to be any nudity, I will need to edit that out too. What? You don't have nude pictures on YOUR computer? Wow. This is the Mystery Rash. It tooks two hospitals and two doctors to conclude that it was harmleass. It took one panicky nurse on the internet to convince me that it was a symtom of a horrible illness that could kill my son. You should have seen his feet. He looked like he had been dipped in acid. Weird stuff.

A skirt I made for my friend Gwen

Ahhh, sweet little Weston. he was 3 in this picture. Five now. I want to smoosh his little baby self with kisses. The best thing about Weston is that he has kept that babiness. You can't help but snuggle with his little cute self.

hmmm....not sure what the deal was with this pic. Maybe I was selling this jacket at one time.


Random thoughts: I will be in Ecuador this time in two weeks. My house is noisy because the rotorooter man is grinding away at the tree roots that are eating my pipes. The kids played in the rain. My house is hot. And humid. I miss my sister. We are having chicken Ala King for lunch. We had strawberries for snacks. My dog bit a little boy. My dog hates people on bikes. My mother in law wants me to throw away all my art work. I guess she thinks it is not worth enough to try to have it sanitized. My brain is broke. I think the fact that my mother in law thinks my art is worthless means that she thinks I am worthless. I never get any good mail. Will you send me any mail? My kids are loud. They are also very wet. I am a wee bit depressed. I am also an underexaggerator. I am also an exaggerator. I haven't been able to do laundry for three days. It will take me three weeks to catch up. I want to go to bed to sleep. I like rain. I like it better when it comes with thunder. I miss my mommy. I do;t have much to say today.

okay. That is unreadble, but it felt good. And. It's my blog, which means I can do anything I want. (including, turning the word "And" into a sentence.

one down: Three more to go

Here is some more twirls for a pretty little girl. THis one is for Devonae and I hope she and her mother both love it. I ripped more seams than I care to admit on a public board and I now have a headache...it could be from stress...or it could be that those fabrics make my eyes spin...

A good cause!

Need a cookbook? Know anyone who needs a cookbook? I have some really nice ones that I am selling. All profits go to help the TeenMops group that I coordinate.
Don't know about TeenMops? We are a support group for teenage moms. Every mom needs support, but teen moms have special needs and TeenMOPS meets those needs. We offer a full meal at every meeting to both moms and children. We offer guest speakers and lessons on topics like budgeting, providing nutritional meals on public aid, car seat safety, etc, etc, etc.
All this is done in an atmosphere of fun, our girls return time after time and they love it. We had almost twenty girls at our last meeting where the lesson was about a mother's need for recreation. We provided them with professionals who gave massages, haircuts, pedicures, manicures, and facials. The girls commented over and over again how much they felt like a princess. They left with greater confidence than they came in with. They left with the ability to be a stronger better mom. I love TeenMOPS. I love the teenage mothers that I work with and we can't keep doing what we do without some funding. Every activity we offer is free to the girls and so...
the thing we all hate...
fundraising...

The cookbooks are 9.00 each or 2 for 15.00. I will pay for media shipping and can except paypal.
I think they turned out beautifully and many many of the recipes are from our teen moms. If you would like to support us by purchasing a cookbook, shoot me a comment with your email (or email me) and let me know how many cookbooks you would like. I will take care of the shipping cost (media mail).

Circular reasoning

You know how we are always told, "It's just stuff."? Well, maybe it is, but perhaps it takes finding your "stuff" floating in a lake of crap water to make you realize how much that "stuff" really means to you. Stuff is important. Sometimes stuff makes our hearts beat faster...and softer...and better. It's more than stuff when you lose it.

This morning, I went down to my basement only to find that that level of my home had turned into a cesspool of water and excrement. There on top, was floating a black potfolio, full of all the artwork I have ever done in my life. I am not an artist, I love art, but it is not one of those skills that come naturally from either my fingertips or my heart. Every art project I have ever done has been the source of incredible heartwrenching labor. Every piece, every horrible rotton piece has also been a source of great pride. Every time I have looked through that portfolio, I get this great feeling of joy. Washed away now, and I feel guilty for being sad...cause it's just stuff, you know.
More than stuff.
Way more than stuff.

On the way to pick Dustan up from work (because I can't deal with 2 inches of smelly crud water on my own) Marcus relays to me his biggest fear. That a fire would ravage our house and destroy all HIS artwork. He chokes on his words as he tells me this. My heart aches for his fear because I am living that reality today. He tells me that sometimes he can't sleep because he is worried that he won;t be able to get his precious treasures out. So like his mama is this little boy. Such a little worrier. And I am reminded of my biggest fear. The one that keeps ME up at night. That we would have a fire, or a tornado, or an invasion of horrible bad people, and I will lose what I hold dearest.
One of my childen.
And I am back where I have begun. It's just stuff.
Stuff that means a lot...but it's still stuff.



I isn't what we meant when we were wishing for more time together, but Dustan and I have spent the afternoon cleaning out all the junk from the basement. Wading through really rank water, and scrubbing the floors has been a lot of work. Surprisingly we have laughed, and we have flirted, and we have had a good time. If I have to clean sewage water from a basement, I am glad I have him to do it with. And so, we have lesson number 2 of the day. Life is better when you share it with a man you love... And nasty tasks are made easier with a sense of humor.

Does anyone want a little girl?

Because I have one for sale.



Number one rule of parenting. Never ever ever turn your back on a child. Never take a shower, a poop, or a nap. Ever. If you ever do...this is what happens, and trust me, it will happen right before you are supposed to leave for a birthday party.

Enough about me

Sometimes, even in the midst of my own creativity I happen to miss a bit of magic going on right underneath my nose. I didn't miss it this time. This has taken Marcus several weeks of diligant work to complete. While I ran to my friend Danielle'stoday, for a work party, Marcus stayed home with a very sick daddy, took care of said sick daddy, and finished up this very cool project that I am sure will make his art teacher very proud. He wants me to clarify that this is NOT for sale unlike the art work in THIS POST which he says is STILL for sale, and he is much more willing now to see it go because he is a "much better artist now".

I did actually get some sewing done. I finished the shirt that will be paired with the tea skirt, it turned out lovely and I will post a pretty picture tomorrow. I also helped make a couple dozen nursing pads, some diapers (ahem- I helped by watching), and I did make three very cute knit skirts, two of which are for my good friend Gwen, who happens to be the mother of that new baby I mentioned a few posts down. it was a good day, I am glad it's over. The kids are in bed, my very sick husband is in bed, my dogs are in their beds...and very soon, I will tuck myself in. Hopefully I will not dream of sewing:)

I wasn't done yet.

THis was a practice outfit. I will start on the real ones tomorrow. I wish I had cut out a size smaller, but it works and it will still fit her next year. Bonus!
and in case you want to know what my sewing room like after a sewing bliz...

Yes. This IS my third post in one day.

Shut up. It's my blog, and if I want to go a whole month without posting and then post TEN on a single day...I can...if I want...so there! Honestly, I am thinking about changing all the dates to make it look like I was staying caught up.

Anyhow, I needed a place to show the picture of my next sewing project. Dick and Jane fabrics that I keep putting off cutting. I have a yard of each one, and at 8 bucks a yard, I fell shortness of breath at the though of using my scissors on them.
I need to make four skirts that coordinate. What should I do? What should I do? Should I just stick with twirly skirts...one print each? Who gets which one? Should I make two twirly skirts, maybe mix two fabrics and then make two tiered skirts like what I made for Esther's Easter? Should I use three fabric if I have three tiers? Will everything look too busy? Would the baby be better with a dress? Should I use one or two fabrics on the dress? Maybe I should just make four twirly skirts, one fabric a piece. But Esther and Devonae already have twirly skirts. And I am getting bored of twirly skirts. I need variety. I need help. Someone call the metal institution. This fabric has taken over my brain and turned it into lime jello.

This might be a bit of a sewing blog for a while...

I have a ton of sewing to get done and I have been inspired by entering a contest on one of my favorite boards. I am not playing to win but I wanted to participate because it was the board that inspired me to start sewing in the first place and last year a large group broke off and started another board which is now huge and famous. But I don;t feel comfortable at the new board. It seems big and unfriendly to me, it's hard to get my questions answered, and it just isn't a good fit for me. I missed the old board and there are several people struggling to keep it going. I see their efforts and I am so happy to see that the forum is still chugging along that I want to do my part. So, I joined a contest that grades in sheer volume. The more yardage you sew, the more points you get. The smart people are making quilts. I am making itty bitty little girl outfits because a. I don't plan to win, b. I don't know how to quilt, and c. She looks so cute in all these new clothes.


I got 19 whole points for this outfit which was made because I had accidentally made two left sleeves on her kitty outfit yesterday. I didn't want to waste a sleeve did I? No way! I am glad I didn't because I absolutely love the way this turned out. the tag in the shirt is made of two pieces of scraps. One denim and one polka dot so she knows what bottoms to add it to. I added my normal ribbon tag to the shorts because she can where it with any shirt she wants to! I love mix and match!

Meet Kitty

She is our new pet and named kitty by Esther. I thought Polly would be cute. She said kitty was perfect. Maggie would go so well with Heidi and Sally. But no. Kitty it would have to be. It did make for one interesting conversation. First, you have to know that Dustan's mother despises cats. I have never met someone who hates cats as much as she does, she even hates cute tiny kittens. She is already not happy about us having dogs when the following conversation takes place (on the phone)

Pam: Hi Esther
Esther: I have a new naminal.
Pam: Oh. you have a new aminal?
Esther: My new naminal has a name called Kitty
Pam: YOU HAVE A KITTY?!?!?!?!
Esther: New naminal named kitty
Pam: Ahhh, you see a kitty outside? Do you see a cat outside the window?
Esther: No. My kitty is on the counter

I didn't get to be here for that conversation and had to hear it second hand from Dustan. Dustan is mean and made her sweat it out before letting her know it was a tadpole. Next time we get to play with MY mom. She hates frogs. I mean she REALLY hates them.